I could really use some support

Soooo I’m crying my eyes out and I don’t know who to talk with because talking to my mouth we was not good

When I was younger I fell into a dark depression and I traveled in the anxiety freeway due to my family and people surrounding me I even tried to kill myself 5 times which were not effective (2015)

Fast forward to now... I’m “better” because I don’t want to kill myself anymore and I’m “happy” and how people describe me “normal” (?) because everything with my current boyfriend is fabulous but there is one thing left or two

My family and people surrounding me

I’m actually ignored in school because of a problem in the past and yeah i don’t have more than 2 friends that were with me since the problem started and finished

But I feel awful all the time, and alone and I want to cry a lot but I don’t because I’m “happy”

So today I was talking with my mother about it and I was crying and she just let it seem as it is my fault, she got mad and started yelling and making everything worst and actually she began to text my boyfriend that I was being a “depressive childish brat” and yeah

I’m crying right now she is making everything worse but if my dad knows about it and talks with me it would get absolutely even worse so yeah idk what to do