Please I need some advice
The other day I found out that my fiancé had been watching porn and he lied to me about it but I accidentally found out by his web history. And another thing is, is that he might be watching live webcam sex. He has emails about bongacams but I’m not sure if it’s spam or whatever. I tried to make an account with the username they said in one of the emails but it was available. So I don’t know. I also found out that a year ago he was talking to a bunch of girls on dating sites.
Him and I met 2 years ago and we got engaged this year. A couple months before we got engaged I found out that he was talking to this girl on Snapchat. He lied about that but I had proof. He “came clean” and said he shouldn’t have done it and he was sorry. (There’s more but to much to explain in exact detail) after I found out about the porn I looked through his emails and I found the dating site where he was talking to other girls he let me look through his email this time (so back story on the girl he was talking to on Snapchat. I talked to her and she said they started talking on okcupid) it was okcupid that he was talking to all these girls on. (He deleted his Snapchat and his Instagram) The last email he got from the site was back in December and there’s been nothing since and he said that when we had the talk about the Snapchat girl he deleted the account and hasn’t talked to any girls since. And as for the porn The porn is a problem to me because I don’t like it and I don’t see a point in it not when you have someone willing to have a lot of sex with you. He’s been watching it almost everyday yet has told me no to having sex quite a few times. He said he’s never had a high sex drive but I think maybe that’s because he’s been watching porn for so many years he’s addicted to it and to just masturbating? He said when he would watch it he would think of me but would feel guilty after because he would be watching someone else but think of me. Him and I had a talk about porn before I told him I wasn’t okay with him watching it he said okay and that he doesn’t watch it the only time he watched it was when he watched 1 video for us for positions. That was when he lied to me about that and he also went behind my back and kept watching porn even after he promised he wouldn’t.
I told him that if he respects woman as much as he says he does he will stop watching porn because he says he respects woman to much to go to a strip club and I said watching porn is kind of the same thing. But instead of the actual girl in front of you It’s like your sitting behind a one way mirror watching people have sex.
He said he never wanted me to find out he watched porn because he thought if I knew I would leave him. I grabbed his face gently and told him I wouldn’t leave you because of it I would leave you because of all the lying and the dishonesty the lack of loyalty. I told him that he wouldn’t like it if I got off to other guys or if I talked to other guys. He’s been cheated on before all his relationships he’s been cheated on or left for other guys.
He was crying so hard and he kept repeating please. He said he doesn’t want to lose me he said he doesn’t know why he watches porn or the fact he had still been talking to other girls while we were dating. He said he wouldn’t blame me if I left him but he said he wants to marry me he wants me to be his wife he wants to be a husband. He wants me to believe in him. I’m so hurt to the point I can’t really cry anymore over any of it. I told him that why watch it when you have me anytime you want. I’m almost always in the mood. I told him if he lies to me again I’m done and I’m gone. If he talks to any other girls I’m gone. I am going to talk to him about us holding off on getting married. We didn’t have a date or anything picked anyway. Some people might think that porn isn’t such a big deal but it’s the fact that he lied to me about it and he tried lying to me about it again but he couldn’t. He said it scares him how I found out and he won’t do it anymore because he’s scared I’ll find out again. I already know everybody in his family would kill him if he lost me because out of all his girlfriends I’m the only girl any of his family actually really like. I never thought any of this would happen. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about any of this either.
I told him maybe he should talk to a therapist or him and I both talk to one together. He told me he doesn’t want to go back to who he was. Lying about being happy or being okay, lying about being busy to his friends but actually just sitting in his room staring at a wall. He says he hates himself for everything.
I don’t understand why he did the things he did. I don’t know if him and I should talk to my doctor. I thought maybe he talked to those girls because he liked having all the attention. But I don’t understand because I tell him he’s handsome and that he’s really hot. And give him a lot of attention. I tell him I love everything about him mentally and physically his flaws everything. Even when he doesn’t act his age when he’s a complete idiot. When he’s just being himself he makes me laugh. Maybe him being cheated on so much he turned into that person. I’m so freaking scared I’m scared to trust him fully again because the night before I found out I told him I trust him again and he loses it again. It hurts me so much. I don’t know what to do because I love him a lot but I’m terrified of getting hurt again. I’ve told him ask me for nudes I’d send them I send them randomly to him he doesn’t like asking though.
If anyone has gone through something like this I’d like to talk to you in a private message. I want to know how to get him to actually stop watching it.