The return of my seizures😭

nikki

So to start this off. I grew up with absent seizures (looks like the child is day dreaming basically) they went away in middle school and I was so excited because it had been years since anyone was my friend, no one wanted to be my friend because I was the weird girl with seizures(I know it’s weird because I had the type you couldn’t tell but I had an episode in class and the nurse made me sit in a wheelchair.)

So fast forward 12 years, I’m a single mom with full custody of my son. I work full time as a nursing assistant and life is fairly well. Then April roles around I passed out at work while giving a patient a bath. We didn’t recognize it as a seizure at the time. I remember having a hard time breathing (thought it was the heat and the mask I have to wear) , I remember having a hard time moving my fingers and the room spinning like the tea cup ride at Disneyland. I remember having a panic attack. All of this happened right before I past out.

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago I had a 15 minute seizure in my sleep. The day before I kept having panic attacks and I was having issues moving my hands and the room kept spinning a crazy amount. Now I can’t drive til the end of the year. Which is safer for everyone else and myself but I feel lost and sad and I can’t stop crying. I feel as though I may have cursed my child now. I would hate for him to grow up and feel isolated at school. Or be teased because his mom has seizures. I think my issue is the unknowns and I’m just overthinking because I’m scared. I’m not sure now if I should continue on the path to becoming a nurse I feel as though I could be putting others at risk because I know how forgetful some of these meds can make you as well as tired. And I’m scared I won’t be a good mom for my son now.

There’s no real point to this other than to just get out how I feel because i feel like no one understands how sad and depressed I feel. And if I can’t get my seizures under control what kind of life can I offer my son?