My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and 2 months. I get along really well with his family and he gets along with mine really well. We’re close with each other’s families.

He never invites me during the holidays. His family invites me before he would (if he would). I used to get upset about it but it’s not a big deal to me anymore because we want to be with our own families, it’d be different if we were engaged, married or living together. In the end, we ended up splitting the holiday’s with each other’s families anyway and it was lovely.

We had a conversation about it the other day because I just wanted to know the reason behind his family inviting me over before him.

He said that he thought we’d be spending time with our own families and I said yes, but I did end up making the suggestion to split the holiday’s if we can, and he still said the same reason. I explained to him that if I say one thing, don’t make it into something else. He’ll automatically assume that something is the way it is when I clearly explain to him something else. It’s like whatever he thinks the reasoning is, he’ll project it onto me even though it’s not the case. So I asked him not to do that and to actually listen to what I’m saying, and he said okay he would.

Then when I asked why his family always invites me for the holiday’s and he doesn’t, he told me that they do it just to be nice and for hospitality. I told him that doesn’t make sense, because I’m so close with his family that they tell me that I’m part of the family and I already spend lots of time with them. His family and I are so open with each other. They always ask me to come over (or to stay the night if I’m already there on Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> or New Years <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> for example) and they even really try to convince me to if I have a reason why I might not be able to. I told him that if your family really doesn’t want me there then they just simply won’t ask me. They wouldn’t go out of their way to hassle and ask me if they just wanted it to be them.

What could be the reasoning behind him making these assumptions when it’s really not the case? It confuses me because he knows how close we’re all with each other. I could come over whenever I can but he doesn’t invite me during the holiday’s? He usually doesn’t even have any other family members but his own direct family there that I’m already close with. I’ve met a good amount of his families’ direct family as well and I have a good relationship with them too. I don’t see what the problem is and where his different reasoning’s are coming from. He is close with his own family too, it’s not like he isn’t close with them that he wouldn’t want me to be a part of that. He’s happy that I’m close with them too because of how family oriented he is. I’m just very confused.

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Update: I’m sorry I didn’t explain this that great. I also changed the title to make it make more sense. The main issue for me was why he doesn’t invite me during the holiday’s. His family does but when he explained that they only invite me to be nice/for hospitality he said it in a way where they’re literally just doing it to be nice but doesn’t actually want to invite me. I don’t believe that. I believe that they truly do want me to be there. To be specific, before Thanksgiving I asked if he wanted to spend some time at my house and I’ll spend some time at his and he said we should spend time with our own families house so I said okay. Then I came over on a regular day and his grandma asked me if I could come over for Thanksgiving. I looked up at my boyfriend because I didn’t know what to say because of the initial conversation we had so I asked him, “Would that be okay?” Then he said, “Yeah that would be fine.” Then I asked, “Are you sure?” Then his grandma said, “Just come over we’d love to have you.” Another time it was her birthday and they invited her daughters over, well I asked him if I could come over for her birthday (which idk why I asked him I could’ve just went for her) and he said that they’re only celebrating with her daughters so I said okay. Next time I see her she says, “Where were you on my birthday? I wish you would’ve came” and I said, “Well I was told it was just going to be you and your family” and she said, “Yeah but I still would’ve loved to have you there. It’s okay I’m glad you’re here now” then she kissed my cheek. My boyfriend ended up saying that she was only saying that to be nice. Now you guys can probably understand where the tone I’m saying from him was coming from and how his reasoning didn’t make sense when it’s one thing from the other.