it's okay to say no.
I went to the beach yesterday with a bunch of friends.
One of my guy friends picked me up bridal style and carried me into the water. I was laughing, didn't fight him, but I'm not used to guys being that close. I was a bit uncomfortable, but I dismissed it, cuz he didn't mean anything by it, and I didn't want to overreact. He dropped me in the water and it was all good until he suddenly came really close and hugged me to him.
I maneuvered myself so my hip was facing his crotch, and it was kinda awkward cuz he kept mentioning how the water was making his hips thrust, and he said he was trying to keep his hips away so I didn't feel his dick poking me? I wanted out so bad but he said he was doing it to keep me "warm", so I didn't want him to feel bad? So I stayed for as long as I could handle it but I hated his hands on me so much... I finally got him to let me go and we went back to the shoreline, and things were okay for a while, I sunbathed with one of my girl friends, and then my girl friend wanted to get in the water and he followed us in.
He automatically hugged me again to keep me warm, but this time I didn't maneuver myself in time and my back was to his front, and his dick was poking me th whole time. I wanted to cry, I felt really scared, I don't really understand why, I was just really uncomfortable, and I wanted out but it seemed impossible without making a scene... and then suddenly he was trying to grab my legs so I couldn't splash my friend anymore and we had a small fight where he basically tried his best to will my body into submission with his, and the whole time his dick was rubbing against me... and finally someone called him back to shore and my friend and I were left alone...
Thinking back on it now I still want to cry, because I was in a situation where I wanted to say stop and I stopped myself because I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but that's not okay. I reserved the right to say stop, no, I don't want this, and I didn't have to be afraid of hurting his feelings because if he's really my friend he'd understand that I was uncomfortable and that is valid. I've had my history with rape, and a lot of my family doesn't know it because they would consider me at fault, based off the comments they've made when stories similar to mine are told, but I won't be silent on this issue.
It's okay to say no. Please say no. It's the difference between uncomfortable and in danger, to be honest, but it's also the difference between being able to define your boundaries with confidence and living with that uncertainty.
It's okay to say no.