Broken

Victoria

I’ve been dealing with a lot of things. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately. And i need to get this out. A little bit of my back story is. In 2006 I met this guy. We became a couple. Two years later we were trying to get pregnant. I could never get pregnant. I started <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android">tracking ovulation</a>. Taking my temperature. Etc. but never got pregnant. My periods were irregular and the doctor said it might be hard to get pregnant. But not impossible. Now in that relationship we started having problems. And eventually we broke up in 2012. In the middle of 2014 I’ve met a guy. We became a couple or so I thought. Anyway, he was always at my house and we had lots of sex. He used the “pull out “ method. September 2 2014 was the first day of my last period. 7 days after that we had sex and he didn’t pull out. Each time after that was the same. Now in my mind I’m thinking I won’t get pregnant because I’ve tried for years and I’ve never gotten pregnant. October 14 2014 I found out I was pregnant. Shock was my first reaction. And excitement was my next reaction. Of course he said he “wasn’t ready “ it’s all fun and games until someone gets pregnant. But anyway. I kept my baby and on June 8 2015 my baby girl was born. He didn’t want her to have his last name. He didn’t want to tell his family. He wasn’t there for her birth. It took him 6 months to even see her. I’m going to fast forward to now. My daughter is now 4 years old and he have only seen her a handful of times. My dumb ass was still seeing him which is stupid and I beat myself up about it every day because I was hoping he would want us as a family. October of this year I called him cause my daughter wanted to talk to him but his other girlfriend picked up his phone. My heart broke because I knew he had someone else. He even lied to me about his name. He even has a older daughter who I didn’t know about. Two days ago he said some really hurtful things to me saying that I planned to get pregnant by him from day one. That I played him. That I’m the reason he cheated on me because I wasn’t doing what I needed to do for “our future “ his family doesn’t know about either one of his kids. He’s even talking about how I take care of my daughter. I’m so broken and I have to get up every day and pretend like I’m ok. But I’m really not. I feel very broken. Hurt ugly. Used. And most of all I feel for my daughter because she asks for him everyday. He hasn’t seen her since early may of this year.