Embarrassed!! Need advice
So I was sexually abused about 10 months ago, and it really changed my life. I went through depression, mixed emotions, panic attacks and just a whole lot for a few months. So recently I started dating this guy and we really like each other . So far everything is going great and he takes his time with me. I told him I was sexually abused and he took it well. So tonight we were starting to get a bit freaky and he was about to give me head and I totally freaked out and had a panic attack, my heart felt like it was racing and ended up pushing him off of me. I am so embarrassed because that never happened to me before, but he is the first guy I’ve been with since the situation. And after I could tell he was a bit shaken by what I did but he said that we can take our time and if I’m okay. To be honest, I feel ashamed, embarrassed and that in the long run this may be an issue. I didn’t expect to have to be dealing with myself panicking🤦🏾♀️. And to make it worse I leave to go back to college in 2 and a half weeks, so I feel like this is something that will have to be solved over a long period of time. I just feel like I want to crawl in a hole. Any advice on how to handle this?