Pregnancy addiction. EDITED

Hey ladies.

So for context I have 3 babys 3 and under, two of which are Irish twins. I have an addiction to finding out im pregnant and giving birth.

I don't want anymore children im really not in the place to do so.

I don't want to be pregnant because I didn't enjoy pregnancy at all, infact I really dislike being pregnant.

I'm on birth control but I can't keep wasting money on tests ik will be negative. I want to get pregnant again so badly but my youngest is only 3 months. I need some words of wisdom because my logical thoughts about why i can't have another baby are very quickly vanishing.

EDIT TO CLEAR THINGS UP!!

I worded this very badly I know, usually speak to my good friend about it who feels the same way so she tends to just understand my rambled thoughts😂

I mean I WANT more children but am no where near in the right place to do so. I want to find out im pregnant because of the initial feelings, but I have difficult pregnancies so I really don't want to go through that again. I'm on birth control to avoid getting pregnant, I clearly am not stable enough in sny sense to have another child and I know that so am taking precautions, but taking tests because the part of me thats not so logical about this stuff wants them to be positive and for some reason assumes theres going to be a chance, and its how I control the urge to ttc.

So basically what I'm saying is the urge to fight my addiction until I'm ready is getting harder.

*and I do seek therapy for addiction. I'm an ex addict and seem to get addicted to literally everything 🤦🏼‍♀️*