My baby is nearly 6 weeks old she was born February 14th I’m a young mum I’m 18 she wasn’t wanted my family is wealthy high profile my dad runs his own company if I aborted it would’ve been a bigger problem than keeping her the dad isn’t involved and my dad pays the bills and his business so I slept around most people would say I have daddy issues and you can tell clearly I got pregnant during my pregnancy I never felt connected to it like it was just something infecting my body I completely hated it my mum just said I was being dramatic and that I should love it like she did I don’t she ever realised doing this at 17/18 I’d harder than when she planned it at 28 and had support

When my daughter was born it didn’t get better I don’t think I held her until 4 hours afterwards I did have a c section that wasn’t planned but there was no complications I think they just handed her to my mum I honestly barely remember while in the hospital nothing clicked for me like in the movies it was just numb I think the first thing I said was she’s ugly my mum just said I’d had too many meds and took her off of me the only thing I really chose was her name and my mum tried making me change that as well

Since we’ve been home I’ve struggled it just been constant crying I can’t stand being around her honestly she’s like a reminder of my mistakes my dad says that I’m a shit mum and that I need to pull myself together because I have places to be my mum tries to get me to see her she keeps telling me she’s missing her mum but I don’t feel like her mum I’m just someone in the room I keep getting called lazy because I’m just not caring for myself or my baby I think I tried when we first came home for the hospital but I barely remember it it’s more like daydream than a memory I know I’ve already failed I know she shouldn’t dm say this but I wish I aborted or gave her up or I died in childbirth because then I wouldn’t have to sit in my room all day this I baby I didn’t want her practically no choice over and can’t connect to